Calming Desire and Aversion: Wisdom and Kindness

To help you integrate this into your day, here is a practical "check-in" routine. This combines Sayadaw U Tejaniya’s emphasis on the mind's attitude with Gil Fronsdal’s emphasis on body awareness and gentleness.

The "Three-Step Shift" Check-In

You can do this while walking to your car, washing dishes, or sitting at your desk. It takes about 30 seconds.

1. The "Weather Report" (Recognition)

Instead of looking at what you are doing, look at how the mind is feeling. Ask yourself: "Is there any 'push' or 'pull' right now?"

• Aversion (The Push): Am I trying to get away from this moment? Is there tension in my jaw or shoulders?
• Desire (The Pull): Am I rushing toward the next moment? Am I trying to "get" more mindfulness?
• Gil’s Note: Just labeling it "pushing" or "pulling" with a soft mental voice can act like a mini-Metta practice.

2. Relax the Effort (Sayadaw’s Right Attitude)

Sayadaw U Tejaniya often asks: "Is the mind tense or relaxed?"

• If you find desire or aversion, check your physical eyes and your mental "grip."
• The Adjustment: Intentionally relax your face and hands. Remind yourself: "Awareness is nature; it doesn't belong to me." This takes the personal pressure off "trying" to be mindful, which immediately lowers the volume of desire.

3. The Compassionate Investigation (RAFT)

If the desire or aversion is "sticky" and won't calm down:

• Feel: Where is it in the body? (e.g., "Aversion feels like a tight chest.")
• Investigate: What is the mind believing? (e.g., "It believes this traffic shouldn't be happening.")
• Metta Infusion: Offer a brief thought of kindness to the part of you that is struggling: "It's okay to feel agitated."

A Comparison of the "Daily Life" View

The following table can serve as a quick reference for which "lens" to use depending on how you feel in the moment:

If you feel...	Try Gil Fronsdal’s Approach	Try Sayadaw U Tejaniya’s Approach
Self-Judgment ("I'm bad at being mindful")	Use Metta phrases: "May I be patient with myself."	Ask a question: "Does the mind know that judgment is just a passing state?"
Frustration/Anger	Softening: Breathe into the physical tightness in the body.	Objectivity: See the anger as "an object" to be observed, not "my" anger.
Restlessness/Wanting	Grounding: Focus on the feeling of your feet on the floor.	Check the View: Am I practicing to get something, or to observe what is?